I was never as negligent as the person in the Pam Ayres poem but, even so, my gnashers have always been trouble.
They have been filled, refilled, and extracted. I’ve had crowns, a bridge and an implant, and before my daughter’s wedding I spent many sleepless nights trying to adjust to the gumshields full of an expensive whitener that I hoped would neutralise the effect of the red wine and coffee I’d been drinking so recklessly over the years.
It worked – but only temporarily. So I was keen to try Rapid White’s Instant Whitening Toothpaste. Launched last month and available in Boots it claims to leave teeth up to one and half shades whiter after just one brushing.
Apparently: “The brightening formula with new ‘optical brightening technology’ (no, I don’t know why this is in quotes either) absorbs light and increases the amount of blue light reflected from the teeth, eliminating yellow hues to give you a brighter smile without damaging tooth enamel.”
I brushed optimistically but afterwards I couldn’t see a difference at all – I even took before and after selfies to show you but decided not to publish pictures of my teeth on the grounds that they are too scary.
I will carry on using the toothpaste until it’s finished but at £7.99 a tube (or £5.99 if it’s on special offer) I don’t think I’ll be buying another one!